I was sitting in the other room when this came on and when I heard Keifer Sutherland’s turgid tones, I decided to stay away. But within ten minutes, I could tell, by the music and the super-caffeinated acting style, that the Wild was some sort of CGI animation made for four-year olds. I was right.

When you’ve watched (or heard) as many bad movies in one 24-hour period as I have, something begins to dawn on you: you realise that you’re living in one of the worst periods for movies made by Hollywood; that you’re cinematic habits revolve around a steady diet of films made in Asia; that leading men all look like deranged retards or public schoolboys; that kid’s films cannot be watched by adults anymore.

With a sigh, I slip a copy of Chinatown into the DVD and press PLAY.
Finally, my eyes, ears and brain are doing something worthwhile.