BLOCK

After proving we could make movies for no money while shooting on location in a box room, the experiment continued with a film shot using no camera at all. BLOCK is the story of a novelist who moves into Birkenhead’s notorious North End in in an attempt to overcome writer’s block. Little does he know what the future holds for him and the human race. Respect is due to Rory Wilmer for his stark, high-contrast photographs of Merseyside.

The Forgotten

I’ve always liked nutty movies like David Lynch’s Eraserhead and the weird stop-action animation of the Quay Bros. so I thought I’d not only pay homage to these great artists but extract a little piss at the same time. I shot this in one tiny room in 20 mins using a feather duster, an action figure, an old duvet and a bust of an old Jamaican guy.

Dynamo Futurista!



You’ve got to hand it to these lads: while the UK were churning out miner’s hovels ten-to-the-dozen, the Italian Futurists were designing the cities of the future. They took Russian art guru and Suprematist Kasimir Malevitch’s ‘Black Square’ philosophy and turned it into concrete. Not only that, they ran over dogs in the first sports cars, drank polluted factory effluence and made music out of noises (Zang Tum Tum).
Whatever happened to Art Movements?

Rip & Burns’ DVD Review: The Wild

I was sitting in the other room when this came on and when I heard Keifer Sutherland’s turgid tones, I decided to stay away. But within ten minutes, I could tell, by the music and the super-caffeinated acting style, that the Wild was some sort of CGI animation made for four-year olds. I was right.

When you’ve watched (or heard) as many bad movies in one 24-hour period as I have, something begins to dawn on you: you realise that you’re living in one of the worst periods for movies made by Hollywood; that you’re cinematic habits revolve around a steady diet of films made in Asia; that leading men all look like deranged retards or public schoolboys; that kid’s films cannot be watched by adults anymore.

With a sigh, I slip a copy of Chinatown into the DVD and press PLAY.
Finally, my eyes, ears and brain are doing something worthwhile.

Rip & Burns’ DVD Review: The Benchwarmers

This movie was made for eight-year olds but everyone in it acts about two years younger.
It’s supposed to be about a trio of losers and retards that win a bunch of baseball games but what it’s really about is poo, wee, farts, noogies, wedgies, potty words and humiliating the very people it claims to defend: nerds, retards, midgets, losers, blimps, wimps and gays. There was one good joke which will give you a flavour of the sort of humour to expect: the kid from Napoleon Dynamite throws a rock at the guy from Deuce Bigelow which goes into the whirling blades of a lawnmower which then shoots out the other side into another bloke’s bollocks.
The rest was predictable rubbish, even for kids..